Darksniper Site

It has become my tradition on this blog to write a post about my birthday.Looking back to every birthday posts I have, no words are able to describe how lucky I was and still am. I know the last one year hasn’t been easy, but I’m happy that I decided to find myself again somewhere in between the 3 a.m crying and overthinking *pat myself on the back.
my first barefaced photoshoot
Birthday or not, I always have so much love to give.I love to treat people especially when they haven’t try one specific food I recommend, but most of them now are no longer my friends and took me for granted. This year, Allah blessed me enough to have friends with equal love. One of my close friend sent me a butterscotc…

Tanggal merah kemarin aku liburan ama tiwi di Bali-kpapan wkwkwkIya didalam kota sendiri aja kok, musim hujan gini mau berpetualang kemana sih nanti aku atit Dimulai dengan makan siang enak untuk mengisi energi masing-masingPas lagi makan, baru sadar ternyata selama sepuluh tahun berteman, ini adalah pertama kalinya aku dan tiwi nge-grill barengTiwi pun langsung mengeluarkan kamera digital jadul untuk mengabadikan momen tersebut
Melihat kamera jadul itu aku langsung flashback teringat kamera digital lamaku, kamera yang ku pakai awal-awal menulis blog ini, kamera yang selalu ku bawa kemanapun dari kelas 3 SMA hingga pertengahan kuliahDuh pokoknya kameraku itu sentimental valuenya dalem banget…

Oh 2024, what a year it has been to me; the year of losses, so many deaths of family, so much tears and anger, the worst year I’ve ever lived through.
I hope no more funeral for 2025. PLEASE.
The best thing I have this year is a bunch of Harry Potter merch -,-
Let me just close my 2024 with some deep appreciation to my friends who really did things to me during this cruel year.
To Rima: Thank you for reaching out and checking on me while I was grieving. Thank you for showing that you care. You don’t know how hard I cried when you said I’m always in your pray. You are truly a wonderful best friend anyone could ask for and I luv you more than you know. Best wishes to your little family in the com…

bunganya virtual dulu ya mom, I miss you
hari ini pengen bawain buket bunga warna kuning ke makam mama serta mengucapkan selamat ulang tahun dalam bentuk kiriman doa, tapi apa daya, dengan jarak dan situasi sekarang gabisa segampang itu untuk langsung pergi ke sana maaf ya mom, niky jauh

It’s taken me a while to finally write about this kind of grief thing.It’s not to make you feel bad, nor sympathetic. It’s to make me feel better, to validate my feelings, and to acknowledge how much this sucks. It absolutely freaking sucks.
I’ve been secretly having very negative thoughts about my mother-in-law. Since losing my mom, I think I hate her. Hate is such a strong word and that’s why I’ve internally battled with this feeling for months because I know it’s wrong, unhealthy and ridiculous.
It started when she come to the house when mom wasn’t buried yet, she said “anggap aja ibu ini ibumu sendiri” I didn’t say okay or anything because my mom is irreplacable, how dare she. Not to mention …

I miss you & I love you
I’ve been getting birthday messages all morning, but every time I got one I’m feeling sick because I know I won’t hear from my mom today Today is an official mourning period of three days in islam I know mom didn’t mean to pass away anywhere near my birthday since she always made birthdays fun and special to make me feel celebrated, but Allah chose that day of Friday as a good end for her; “No Muslim dies on the day of Friday, nor the night of Friday, except that Allah protects him from the trials of the grave” Jami’ at-Tirmidhi, Vol.2, Book 10, Hadith 110The Ustad today prayed for my mom’s death and also for my birthday to fulfill my family’s request. I wanted to cr…