Dear myself, Niky.
Happy Level-Up Day to you. You woke up in the morning of your 23 years old. I must say, I'm so proud of you for staying alive even when it felt like living was the worse of the options.
I know you realized your body not seventeen anymore. Not fun at all, I know. You get exhausted so fast, feeling sick every month or week, but you keep dancing. You suddenly have your seventeen's energy there, your power, confident, and happiness to express yourself. That's good, thank you for not leaving that activity. I want to tell you that I'm sorry I can't make any of your ‘dance dreams’ come true. At least, there was a time when people saw you dancing on the stage even just that one time. Besides, you have a boyfriend who really likes your dance, he romantically called you the dancing girl, and that's what matter okay? Stick with your motivation; "if you feel sad, dance".
I also know that sometimes you feel stupid. You cry because of your stupidity. But just remember everytime you meet your friends at the campus, they called you as a pro eventhough you feel like you're not. They refer to you like you're one of the smart students there. They’re shocked when they heard you got stuck with your thesis and haven’t do thesis defense yet. It’s because they think you're SO smart, can you try to think that you are too? I'm so sorry about so many things you don't understand, things you can’t figure it out (yet), but you have an amazing brain that can memorize anything you read just in a half day. I want you to use that, so please keep reading your freakin’ thesis theories back again, face your advisor with things you just read, then you can burn it later after all done.
I also very much know that you like to save your money because it’s your habit since you were young. But you always hungry and eat an instant nooddle nooddle nooddle till you sick of the taste. So instead you keep your money for emergency or expensive things you wanna buy, please spend some for a good food. You need to eat something healthy that not an instant freakin’ noodle.
I know your life recently is quite hard, but you can do hard things, look back at your life. Look at you right here, right now, keep trying to love yourself, writing to yourself and not giving up on yourself. You have been hurt, hated, doubted, made fun of, but look at you still standing tall because you are more than their words. I know how strong and capable you are. So this time, can you please get back up on your feet and try to make it all easy for yourself? Can you please pray to Allah for making it all easy for you?
